Friday, June 13, 2008

Tracking the Field

My first ever WABC Father's Day Run is fast approaching. It will be held in Central Park this Sunday.

I actually did my last race in Central Park (the TGL classic on April 13th) in a pace of 7:22. But then again, that was 4 miles and it was a delightful 49 degrees and 52% humidity out there. The hour by hour says it will be 72 degrees and disgustingly humid (68%) at 8:30am on Sunday. I guess mother nature's not willing to give fathers a break. What a bitch!

Librarians....please close your eyes for this one....For those, who like me, are somewhat reading challenged, I will produce some "lam" notes. LAM = Lazy As Molasses. It sort of like the "cliff" notes that some of us read in High School in order to get by.

Running Times July/August 2008 -


issue # 358

What To Eat: Before/During/After the Marathon
My Quip:

I almost couldn't find this article. I was beginning to think that someone before me had read it, ripped out the pages, and then ate them to act upon the text stating that they needed more fiber in their diet.


What I Learned:
Your body is only going to be able to store an extra 300 calories worth of carbs each day. For you New Yorkers out there that may be mathematically challenged, think of it as an extra bagel per day.

Don't have any roughage or lots of fiber the day before either. However, if you know for sure that you're going to be a front runner, and would like to win the race by at least 10 yards, then go for it. I'm sure all who trail, will be slipping and sliding away (not exactly what Paul Simon had envisioned while writing those lyrics, I presume). As for Scott, our newly appointed Ethiopian food expert (yes, Blogrunner has nominated you, dude), Teff is a big no-no, as it yields a big poo poo. Remember folks, it's what you do on the green line, and not in the green Johnny Port-O-San, that gets recorded.

Pre-Race Sex: Yes or No
My Quip:

Come on, are you fucking kidding me? Sex can be draining (no pun intended), but you shouldn't change your life around too much for your running. Let's face it guys, if your certain someone asked for it, what are you going to tell them? "Sorry honey, but I got a big run tonight, and I plan to finish in 2875th place out of 6000 runners? GIVE ME A BREAK! So in conclusion:

Pre-Race Sex? Hell Yes!

Post-Race Sex? Hell Yes!

Sex on the course? ...Are we running on trails or on the road, and can I NOT get a witness???



What I learned:

I learned not to read such silly articles. Like Nike says...."JUST DO IT" Yeah, baby!

Heating Up The Track: 2008 Olympic Trials Preview
My Quip:

This article is probably going to talk about the USA "HOPEFULS" for the 2008 Olympic Marathon. A Ryan Hall here, and a sprinkle of Dathan Ritzenheim there. Well sorry to be sounding so skeptical guys, but what's the point? Every year, every freaking year, it's some US "hopeful". How about a BONAFIDE American "POWERHOUSE" for once? I looked up and down that top 100 list I posted a few days back.....It looks like an African Telephone book!! Well, here is (perhaps far fetched...from me? nahh) one way to get faster runners in the United States. Raise the price of gasoline from $4.59 per gallon (as it is in "inexpensive " New York) to $45.90 per ounce. This way, everyone's going to have to ride a bike or run to work. No exceptions! If you live more than 20 miles from your job, well, let's face it. you're going to become one fucking awesome runner, aren't you? Also, let's outlaw every Wendy's establishment. Right alongside the Oreo cookie, which was an invention of Satan, the consumption of Wendy's or any other mass-murdering-chemically-infested product line will not really help the United States capture Olympic glory anytime soon. Unless, of course, we could perhaps lay out 5 onion rings in such a way as to form the first ever USA Food Olympics emblem. Hey! I could be the commissioner for that International Organization! Juan Antonio Samaranch, move over! Oh shit, Juan Antonio is no longer the IOC prez (shit, he might have even passed on...having a disk spinning, info-loss moment). REBOOT.


What I learned:

Ryan Hall wont run at the trials, but thinks he can do the 10K in 27:45. Shit. It takes me that long just to find my backpack at the NYRR baggage drop after the race. Also, watch for Bernard Lagat, American, to kick major booty in the 1500M. At 3:35.23 indoors, he's ranked second in the world. Bernard, in my eyes you're not an American yet. You are still Kenyan. Five more years and another Olympiad, and then your in, in my book that is.

Double Your Pleasure
My Quip:

I thought this was going to be an article about the Hilton sisters or something to that effect. Imagine to my chagrin, the instant deflation when I realized it was about running. Duh....This IS a magazine about running after all. Duh.

.

What I learned:

The best runners run a lot. Double Duh. Adding double runs (two runs a day) is no different then adding workouts into your program: Patience and Gradual. Start with one per week, finish at 4 to 5 doubles per week. I usually do about 2-3 doubles myself, and it's a great way to increase mileage, without increasing risk to injury. One word of caution however, and this comes from me...If you are going to be training for a marathon, you WILL HAVE TO PUT IN LONG RUNS once a week. Oh sure, you could stop and walk along the way (perhaps not to the extent that Jeff Galloway would like you to) but, you really should be building over each week for your single, long run. And, despite conventional wisdom, you really need to get to at least 24 miles in your training run. 20 miles just doesn't cut it. You still have a full 10k to run. And if you're like me, where it takes nearly an hour to do a 10k (and only a 10k), this means you are cutting off a potential 25% off your run. Listen to your body. See what it tells you, and readjust for the next run. And if none of this makes any sense to you, then screw it and just run behind a nice set of twins.

Any Given Weekend
My Quip:

After looking at these times, I came to an solar system-shattering conclusion. I suck.
What I learned:

Ginnette Bedard and Yoshiko Takahashi, both of NYRR, and both in the Female 70 to 74 category, did 5k's and 5 miles in barely over 8 minutes per mile. Damn! My category, Men 40-44? Fahgitaboutit! Sean Wade in Texas did "it" in 30:46. The "it" was a 10k.

...and it with each further humbling moment, the temptation to buy a subway token from Rosie Ruiz is ever increasing in my feeble, weakened VO2 max bloodstream.....

1 comment:

Sean said...

Between the Mets photoshops and the commentary here, I'm loving this blog. You're hilarious, Alex, keep it up!