Saturday, September 29, 2007

Let's Go Mets!

Now really? Did that headline just grab your attention?

Let me first begin by elevating myself several levels to talk to someone who doesn't even like the Mets, let alone baseball, let alone even sports.

Have you ever had to do something, be it for your job, for your family, even for yourself, that was going to take a long time? I'm sure you have. Now, within those times that you had to do this "something", did you ever do the first 99% of it great, but screw up the last 1% so badly, that it completely undid the other 99% and all the time that you invested into it? I bet at this point, I don't see too many show of hands anymore.

Welcome to the New York Mess.

This blog is supposed to be about running, but I can't help but to have to comment off-topic on this team of baseball, that has done nothing right. Last week, I stated that they were the worst first place team I have ever seen take the field. And everyone agreed with me. But now I stand corrected...they are the worst 2nd place team I have ever seen.

Here I am in Gudalajara, Mexico, and the stench is foul but it's not coming from anywhere south of Tijuana. Instead it's coming somewhere from between Roosevelt Avenue and Northern Boulevard. Mr. Wilpon, Mr. Randolph and Mr. Minaya, if you are scouring through the internet to further your knowledge of your fan's reactions to your unbelievable collpase, than you are all masochists. But if you are reading, then hear this: Your season is over. And if you lose on Saturday, and the Phils win, then you will be eliminated from post season play after being in first place for 135 days, and with a 7 game lead as late as September 12th. If this happens, do not show up to Shea on Sunday. The Met fans will be booing your whole team for all 9 innings on FOX National Television.

Mr. Randolph. You said last night that your team was going to win this whole thing. So what exactly did you mean by "thing"? Perhaps you meant to say "thong", which is how most of your players are probably going to spend watching most of their evenings in October while the REAL baseball players duke it out for honor and for the ring.

When your team BLEW it with the bases loaded in the 9th inning in Game 7 against the barely-over-.500-wild card team Cards, it was like getting hit by a truck that you didn't even know was there. I never thought anything would be worse than that. Until now.

The Washington Nationals have scored an average of nearly 10 runs a game against you.
The Phillies have beaten you 8 straight games.
Your home record is almost under .500 now.
Dear Mets. YOU SUCK.

I can't even believe how I am attacking my own club. I sound like a typical Yankee fan. But unlike a typical Yankee fan, I'm a Met fan. That means TRUST, PATIENCE, DISAPPOINTMENT, HUMILIATION, and TORTURE. So I have all the right in the world to attack my own team. You Mets all suck, not because Yankee or Braves or Phillies fans say so, but because I am a Mets fan, and I see how all of you play, coach, and deal. And it all sucks. Real BAD. So, and again, please do us all a favor. If you lose tomorrow (Saturday), then don't even bother to show up Sunday to Shea.

Then, and if you really want to do all us New Yorkers an added bonus, then don't even bother coming back next year either. Leave town like the Dodgers did in 57.

In fact, here's what should be done (and in this order):

1) To Rickey Henderson: You were such a great player and now an even better coach. Please convince Wille to trade away at least the players that did not perform to their potential this year. If you are in touch with the fans and realistic people, then your roster should be at around 5-6 people when all is said and done. Obviously, they will all be hitters, because Mets have good pitching, like Mexico has good tap water.

2) To Willie Randolph: Willie my man! Look here Willie, Rickey's a good homey by going ahead and by eliminating all of the diseased players that played without heart and without skill, but all in all Rickey is the idiot who talks to fans during the game when he should be coaching his runners at first base. Fire Rickey. And while you are at it, fire Rick Petersen, the pitching coach too. Why Rick? Because my 91 year old grandmother who doesnt even speak English, and who only has one good eye remaining, could do a better job. Rick Petersen is one of the WORST pitching coaches I have ever seen. In fact, why not fire all your coaches and staff? After all, they have led your team to the worst collapse in regular season history, and that's not just a metaphor either, but a statistically proven fact.

3) To Omar Minaya: Que Pasa, Hombre? Yo! Willie! He fire all he coaches!! That a good move! But really hombre....Chu Gotta Beh Kiddi Me Mang! Que pasa con Willie, cabron? Chu gotta fire him, and fire him now. He a bad manager. He a bery bery bad manager. What a cabron pendejo he be. He keep saying all dee newspapers how he team will win it all. All they gonna win is a lotta bullshit mang! He too nice with dee players. He a player manager? No. He think he a manager, but he just playing. He no manager. No way Jose. O Sorry, I meant Omar. Omar, this come from my haht now when I say that Willie? He a big piece of mierda! Fire him now, estupido!

4) To Jeff Wilpon: Are you happy? Are you happy that you got Omar, my little Jeffy-Poo? Jeff, before we can win a championship, perhaps we can get somebody who can actually manage a manager who can manage a ball club for which 75% of them don't even speak the language. And I dont mean the language of English, but rather the language of HOW TO ACTUALLY WIN A BALLGAME. How can Omar have let Manny Acta go? How could he have fired Rick Downs to get that sack-full-of-shit Henderson to coach the second half? The only thing that Omar did that was of any use was to fire Mr. Williot. But Jeff, if you want to redeem yourself in your father's eyes, then please do all us long time suffering Mets fan a favor. Fire Omar before it gets any worse.

5) To Frederico Wilpon: Okay sorry. I know your name is really Fred, but there were so many Spanish players that your son was okay with hiring, I just figured the name would be okay with you. But all kidding aside, what is your son doing? The ONLY good move he made this year, was when he fired Omar, but it was a little too little too late. Are you going to let your son run this club into the ground, are you going to let Mets fans retitle your forthcoming ballpark from CitiField to ShittyField? Please Fred, do the right thing. Pay off your son, and get him off the steering committee, because he is steering all Mets fans away from Flushing.

6) To God. How much more suffering must I take God? Who cursed me to be a Mets fan? Why couldn't I just have sucked it up and enjoyed all those Yankees world series championships instead? Why did I have to be born in Queens? And who the hell told me to root for such a lousy team? What do I get in return for doing all this? Do I get to heaven faster than a Yankee fan?? Please make Fred Wilpon retire after he sells the Mets to Montana or Monterrey or perhaps even Myanmar. That's it. The Myanmar Mets with a starting rotation of 5 Monks who can at least find the strike zone, and not hit 2 consecutive ballplayers with the bases loaded in a game that determines the ENTIRE OUTCOME OF YOUR SEASON. Once the Mets are gone from New York, then it will only be the Yankees. And with at least with only 1 team in New York, then I can make the excuse of rooting for the Yankees after all. I don't want to join the dark side, God. But, I grow weak, and during the next two days, about the only thing that will bring me comfort is the knowledge that I am a good 2000 miles away from the Nightmare that is The New York Metropolitans.

Hope you all liked my off-topic rant for today. I could talk about my running. Okay I will. I ran 4 miles today. There. I think the Mets thing was a bit more interesting today.

Good Night!

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