Monday, October 20, 2008


SUB SEARCH.....In search for the sub 4 hour run..... by Alex "Over 4" Gonzalez....

In the bible, the number of the beast is 666. For me that number is a little too 662, that is. 4 is the beast. Can I tame it? Can I break it?

Can I do it? NO.

Can I do it? NO.

Can I do it? YES!

Today will be my only day off between now and Sunday. And then again for part of the last week. I plan to go for broke, without breaking. Every muscle, every slow and fast twitch, every bone, every brain cell. Mission? 2008 New York City Marathon Target? Sub 4 hours.

Of course, everyone says the same thing.....Just finishing is an accomplishment. Trust me, I hear you and praise you. I have run this course 6 times and people have DIED on this course. DIED. Another 4 letter word. 4. There we go again!

Why though must I always accept the humble position? Why must it always be, "At least you finished" or "You should be grateful for your accomplishment" or "There's always next year" every-single-cotton'-pickin'-God-damned time??? Meantime, there are people all over the world who right now are EASILY breaking 4 hours and probably haven't trained as much as I have.

Now for a message from our local sponsor....
Gatorade: Is it in you?
Nike: Just Do It!
Alex: Fo'Sizzle.

The Home Slice Translation for "Fo'Sizzle"= Yes, I Can. But, heh. What is that song I hear that's being played on this website? Why do I hear "Little Too Slow"? Then again, methinks why am I asking about why I put a song on that I am pretending that I didn't put on and did? Why ask why?

The song is a taunt.

I must overcome. Muscles, please do not fail me and cramp up. I beg of you of merciful foot, oh generous calf, and oh righteous hamstring, and stoic quadraceps! From the bottom of my loins...Hey, wait! That's not my leg we're talking about anymore!!


From the bottom of my knees (ahh, much better now), spare me your wretched pains so that I may too fall into the sublimelight of runner's ecstasy. And screw the Bronx. I will pass the Bronx, wave my middle finger up in the air, and hock a loogy over my shoulder, as I, upon exit, cross over the Madison Bridge. I am so done with that county. I will pass the Bronx, I will enter Manhattan, and I will finish without cramping!!!!

Is this possible? Or am I bio-mechanically not fit for 26.2 miles no matter what the training?

Since January 1, 2007 I have run OVER 3000 MILES. 3000 MILES. That is from New York to Los Angeles. So why do I do all of this, Alex. Why?

Alex: I do it for the T-shirts, yo.

James Lipton (or Will Ferrel impersonating him): NOT!

I do it to break that infernal number. The number is 4 . I'm fed up with losing. Yeah, okay. The winner of this marathon will do it 2 hours faster than me. But, ya just gotta overlook the little things though. Kenyan Shmenyan. What's it all about, Charlie?

In the dictionary, I plan to request an addition of a new word. Fourhate. It sounds like Foreplay, except that the spelling is different, and hate and play are not brothers in the same sandbox either.

WHEE for THREE. Now that's a number I can live with! KEY WORD: LIVE. As in opposite of "DON'T DIE IN TRYING FOR 3 !"

By the way, I am getting a lot of hits on my site. Anywhere from 40 to up to 100 per day. Good. It's about time people see what its like to read insane ramblings.

And now the rambling has ended.

You may go in peace, and leave your monitor for awhile. Go ahead. Say hello to your spouse, or do your homework, or stop translating my ass from some other country that is far from here, like Myanmar, Djoubouti, or Burnt Sienna. Go on. Git. This is just a computer. Just make like a tree and leave. I'm sure you have better things to do, like perhaps going out for a 26.2 mile jog. Just make sure you don't finish it in under 4 hours and comment to me about it on my blog though. If you do, I will find where you live and show you a picture of my first ex-wife. You will be so horrified, that you will overstride away from me. The additional pressure of this overstride after having run a marathon, will splinter your muscles, making the sound of kindling wood at a weenie roast.
Either that, or I will just have to come over and give you a case of whoopass. Whichever is easier. So go on and shut this PC or Mac or whatever little box you have off right now..........Go on....

Why are you still reading?

Go get a life will ya????


1 comment:

DGA said...

If the punishment for not breaking the 4 hour barrier is showing us a picture of your ex-wife, I pray to God that your wish be granted. Please make it under 4 hours! Please!