Monday, August 18, 2008

It Really Sucks But I Had To Do It.

POSTED: Wed. Sept 17th


Relationship building is always a good thing but when you have to decommission one, it can be a thing of pain. Without getting personal (which is difficult in this subject matter), I had to take a day off from work, and wait for my soon-to-be-insignificant-other to go to work, just so that I can get back into her apartment, and take the rest of my things.

Yes, I am moving out.

More challenging however is the fact that today is August 18th, and my new apartment will not be ready until Sep 1.

So, what were the factors THIS TIME AROUND?

Don't get me wrong. She is not a bad person. But her and I have not been on the same page for quite awhile. We are complete opposites. The reason for having a relationship, above all else, is companionship. While I am not saying that continuous reminders of love, and displays of affection are penultimate in a relationship, it is important nonetheless. IMHO I believed her to be a very cold and negative person at times. Additionally, fighting was happening on a daily basis, and in front of the kids. Normally, this is a big no-no to me, but add to that the fact that I only get to see my kids about 4 days a month because of legal and geographical constraints? My kids come first. She never communicated, and the few times she told me she loved me was to say "I love you in a way". She'd later defend herself by saying that she has a problem with the English language, but I don't buy that for a second. Then again, what the hell do I know right? I've only been married twice, had my heart broken several times more (twice by one woman over the span of 20 years alone).

For me, the art of being matched with a woman, is an art form. And is way more difficult than any ULTRA-Marathon I could ever be in. I can never seem to perfect the art of getting the right woman. But at least I seem to be getting wiser and better each time 'round in the selection process.

About the situation of the 2 weeks before my apartment was ready.....Bonnie of our club was an outstanding friend by allowing me to stay and house sit whilst she went on vacation. Of course, I had to pick up the mail, feed her cat (and her imaginary fish) and all, but it was a huge help. I thanked her privately for this, but thanks again on a public note too.

Of course, the first few days were probably difficult for Ileana. She knew that this was the right thing for both of us, but I don't think she really ever thought that I was going to go through with what I had said I would do for such a long time now. I called her after I was out of there. A feverish experience of going between the apartment and the storage facility for which many of my items were held locked in time for the better part of two plus years.

She was upset when I called and told her what I did. Devastated probably. She accused me of having another woman, even citing my own line, that men usually only move out of one woman, when they have a hope/promise of moving into another. At least she listened to me for once. Truth is, if I even had anyone living with me, which I do not, I would never admit it anyway. For one, it's no one's business but my own, and secondly, what would it accomplish if I did? More hurt, feelings of rejection. I'm not in the hurting business. I don't do it well. It sucks when I've been on the short end of that stick, and if nothing else, I have enough respect for the common person not to let them hurt at my behest.

So as you can gather, I will definitely take the high road on this. I thank Ileana for 4 years together. We did have some great moments together especially the trips to Spain, California and doings in and around New York. She does have a good sense of humor when its directed at herself. She's a good cook and is an attractive woman overall. When she finds someone more compatible than me, she will be happier and realize that what I did was the right choice. Who knows, she might even thank me for it *not holding breath on that one though*.

Life is about to get very interesting again....Where will this all lead.....How will it affect my training? I am sure it's going to take a nose dive. Need to get long runs in though.

Time will tell.....


DGA said...

I think you did the right thing. Making a decision of that caliber is probably one of the hardest thing to do. Take it as another stage of the learning process, because we keep learning till the day we die. And that is good for both the soul and the body.

DGA said...

hardest things to do. Things. Plural